Live Loud: Forgive

Dear Pennies & Pens, 

Last week, I published one of the most personal posts I have ever written. In that post, I revealed that I was mistreated by someone in my life. I wrote and published the post because I was tired of suffering in silence. I also believe that God instructed me to write that post because I am the only person who can truly reveal the wrongs this person has done to me. 

I believe that is why this week, things changed. This week while busy was one of the best that I’ve ever had. It was awesome because instead of carrying hurt, anger and negativity — I held on to joy. I thanked God for waking me up every morning, I thought of all the positive things happening in my life and I never dwelled on anything negative that happened. 

Then today, I learned that forgiveness is the responsibility and requirement of every believer. To be like Jesus, you must be mistreated like Jesus. More importantly, you must respond in the way that Jesus did which is to forgive those who have wronged you. So to Live Loud — you must forgive.

But let’s keep it real — Pennies & Pens, forgiveness is no easy task. If you, like me, have been mistreated by someone, you have a tendency to replay every bad thing that happened over and over again. I don’t know why we as human beings insist on focusing on the negative but we do. We’ll sit there and drive ourselves crazy thinking of every bad thing that has ever happened. 

Instead of counting our blessings, we focus on what we don’t have. We’re never happy or fulfilled. It is bananas in pajamas!!! We literally are our own worst enemies. We just don’t seem to realize that carrying negativity and hurt does not change your situation. In fact, it makes it worse. 

A couple of days ago, I received an email newsletter that talked about how when you carry negativity, you put that energy out into the universe so the universe reads that and responds accordingly. Basically, if you put negative energy into the universe, that’s all you get back. That makes perfect sense because you get what you pay for. 

Even worse, when you can’t thank God for the blessings that you do have, why would the Most High give you more? No seriously, if you complain at your $10 per hour job every day, why would God bless you with a higher paying job? Why would God give you more when you won’t say thank you for less? 

The fact is being thankful does lead to blessings. Two years ago in 2018, I was making $10 per hour working as a Barista. At some point while at that job, I just started being thankful. I started praying and thanking God that I had a job. And I would make do with what I had. Since I also didn’t have a car at the time, I had to take the bus or train to work. If you’ve ever been to or lived in Dallas, you know it’s nothing like my former residence of NYC  where the public transportation system is reliable and fast. So if you rely on public transportation in Dallas, it’s rough because it takes longer and isn’t as convenient. 

Also while at this job, I started to make the best of it. You see, one day, I was written up because my managers said that I had an attitude. I to this day don’t agree with that because both of these managers were white males and I’m sorry but the second you don’t smile too many white people automatically write you off as the angry black woman. Then they punish you because of it. 

But the truth is, the reason why I was frustrated at that job is because every time I came to work it was like working by myself. I used to shut down the entire restaurant while one of these same managers that wrote me up would sit in the back on their phones eating free food. I would spend my 8 hour shift making drinks, restocking supplies, bussing tables, taking orders, carrying bus tubs and more. All with no break or food. 

So anyway, before I continue ranting about old shit, let me get this out. After being written up, I decided to make a change. The reason why is because I realized that me having an attitude wasn’t going to change my situation. It wasn’t going to make my entitled lazy coworkers any better. Nor was it going to lead to me making more money. 

So the day after the write up, I came to work with the biggest smile on my face. I was so nice to those white people they probably thought I was their slave. Anything massa wanted, he got. With a smile. That’s what they call service with a smile, little baby. 

One day out of nowhere while working the Barista job, a creative staffing agency that I registered with when I moved to Dallas sent me an email specifically inviting me to apply for a copywriting job. I was shocked because like I said I registered with them in 2015 and while I applied to many of their listings, I never got interviews much less a job offer. So when I got the latest invitation, I was of course surprised.

And since I was still carrying negativity, I didn’t think for one millisecond that I would ever get that job. But because God is better than I deserve, the Most High blessed me. Somehow, I landed that copywriting job and started making more money. And I only did one phone interview. 

By now you’re like okay so what’s the point, Penny? The point is STOP CARRYING NEGATIVITY. FORGIVE THOSE WHO HAVE WRONGED YOU. Forgiveness is for you not the other person!!! When you don’t forgive, you’ll be tormented. It’s like trying to carry extra weight. Remember Erykah said: “Bag lady you gon hurt your back, dragging all them bags like that. I guess no one ever told you all you must hold onto is you.” 

That day I came into my old Barista job with a smile on my face, I started to forgive. I realized that my anger was only hurting me. I have also forgiven my former business partner and friend. The fact is all of these people helped shape and make me into who I am.

So years from now, after I plan a major event for Beyonce` and Jay Z, and I start cleaning the event space, they’ll be so impressed. Like wow, not only does Penny plan dope events, she stays to help clean up afterwards. She’s not some bougie Event Planner who thinks they are too good to sweep and mop. And when I’m styling Little Mix for their first major post Covid-19 performance, they’ll be shocked to learn that it was me who taped their shoes and alphabeticalized their looks. What I want the world and any future client to know is that I am not above anything or anyone. 

Because I am not above anything or anyone, I will continue to do any and everything to get the job done. And that’s the blessing that forgiveness will give you. So if you want to Live Loud: Forgive. 

And there it is. de la Pen…All Pen Everything. With us, keeping real never goes wrong.