Dear Pennies & Pens,
In my last post, I talked about my struggles with body image issues and learning to love myself. Now that I’m feeling more confident than I’ve ever felt, I want to talk about the importance of self-love on Valentine’s Day.
Valentine’s Day always seems to focus on romantic, familial or friend love, but never self-love. But the issue is, you can’t love anyone until you love yourself. Of course that’s my opinion but what I’m saying is you may be having issues in your current or past relationships because you don’t truly love yourself. #FoodForThought
Why It’s So Important To Love Yourself
Loving yourself gives you confidence. When you love yourself, you feel more confident and sure of yourself. You stop second guessing every decision or choice you’ve made.
You also exude confidence so even on days where you don’t look your best (outfit, hair, face, etc), you’ll still think you’re the baddest Penny or Pen in the room.
Loving yourself gives you joy and peace. Last weekend, when this guy turned the page on Penny and said we should just be friends, I was sad but I still have joy and peace. So although, I’ll need time to not be in my feelings, I’m overall good.
I have joy and peace because I’m like that may have ended but it doesn’t mean another man won’t come along and finally put a ring on it. I really hope it’s Michael B. Jordan because I would love for my Mr. Pen to be rich as well as fine.
Loving yourself means you avoid toxic relationships. When you truly love yourself, you won’t accept any nonsense. You’ll want someone who sees and appreciates your uniqueness and wants to celebrate that.
You won’t be with someone who abuses you mentally, emotionally or spiritually. You’ll also be with someone who will open up and give all of themselves to you. You don’t want someone who remains closed off and guarded.
Loving yourself means you don’t accept bullshit. If the person takes too long to text you back, doesn’t call you, cancels dates at the last minute, interrupts you while you’re talking, belittles you or just makes you feel bad, you won’t accept their bullshit because you love yourself even if they don’t.
How to love yourself
Schedule/plan me time. Heather Headley, a 90s/00s Neo-soul artist is the person I believe originally brought the concept of me time to the forefront. In her song, Me Time, she is explaining to her man that there are times/days when she wants to be alone, hang out with her girls, etc but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t love him.
So to you I say, whether you’re single, in a relationship, married, engaged, gay or gender fluid, make time for yourself!!!! Make time to do the things you love. This will allow you to enjoy the things you love alone. It’s not selfish or rude. If your partner doesn’t like watching football or thinks going to an art museum is a total drag, do those things alone. This way, you guys have less arguments and you can still do the things you enjoy.
If you’re single, you don’t have the issue of possibly upsetting your partner but you’d be surprised how many single people won’t do the things they love because they’re scared of what people will say.
Take yourself on dates. I specifically need to express this point to my fellow single people. Again, too many single people won’t go out to eat alone or won’t travel alone because they don’t want people to know they’re alone. Which is funny because if you’re single, this is an obvious point.
But anyway, what I mean is dating yourself gives you the chance to get to know yourself. So get all dressed up and put on that outfit that makes you feel like the baddest Penny or Pen in the room and have the best date ever!!! To my relationship folks, you should still date yourself because it’s okay to spend time apart. You and yo boo don’t have to be attached at the hip, it’s okay to miss each other.
Speak positive affirmations. Tell yourself, I am beautiful, handsome, smart, funny, unique, interesting, etc. Be your biggest fan!!! No one should speak more positively about you than you.
Work out and eat right. So here’s the thing, working out and eating right helps you love yourself because when you work out, your body becomes more toned which makes you more confident. If you finally do get that 6 pack you crave, no one will be able to tell you shit.
Also eating right helps with self love because eating shitty food like greasy food, junk food or fast food literally makes you feel bad. And if you feel bad, you’re more likely to criticize yourself and put yourself down. It’s totally okay to have that guilty pleasure food but please eat it in moderation, little baby.
Take photos of yourself naked, in your underwear, and lingerie. Now I know this one has some of my Pennies & Pens freaking out! Like omg Penny not until I lose the baby weight, not until I start hitting the gym and my 6 pack is poppin, PLEASE.
But note, I never said you had to share the photos with anyone, I said take them. Why? Because to truly love yourself you must expose yourself to yourself. You must look at yourself with no judgement. When you first do it, you’ll find yourself criticizing pretty much everything and thinking about how weird this is.
But after awhile, you’ll start feeling yourself because you will finally accept yourself flaws and all. You’ll be like it’s okay that I don’t have a Beyonce booty, it’s okay that I have a potbelly, it’s okay that I have hair pretty much everywhere, it’s okay that my boobs look like watermelons, it’s okay I have hips even though I am a man. IT IS OKAY.
Once you get to that okay moment, you won’t want Beyonce or Michael B. Jordan because you have you. And the power in that is stronger than any ink I can put on this page.
And there it is. de la Pen…All Pen Everything. With us, keeping real never goes wrong.
