A Penny for Your Thoughts: My Struggles with Self-Love and Body Image Issues

Dear Pennies & Pens, 

First off, Happy Valentine’s Day! In today’s post, A Penny for Your Thoughts: My struggle with Self-Love and Body Image Issues, I am going to talk about my journey to being more confident and loving myself. Previously, I talked about my natural hair journey and learning to love my curly hair.

So many people who’ve met me later in life don’t know that I once struggled with insecurity and body image issues. As a petite woman, I have always felt that I was lacking in some way. 

People don’t seem to understand that slimmer women like me still experience body shaming in the form of being told we’re too skinny, look unhealthy, or are accused of being anorexic or bulimic. Even worse, people especially (sadly) other women have convinced themselves that my life is better than theirs because I’m slim and petite. 

Sis, let me tell you that shit is not true!!! My rent isn’t any cheaper, my car isn’t any newer, I don’t have a ton of men DMing me, asking me out and I’m not in a relationship. I’m not saying this to put myself down, I’m just saying that sis: you ain’t the only single girl out here struggling to find love. 

To combat my own body image issues and help myself become more confident, I have been buying lingerie and taking photos of myself in it. I’ll be honest, I originally started doing this because I wanted to impress/please this guy I was kicking it with but then things between us ended. 

And that’s when I realized that kicking it with him was the first time, I had ever taken photos of myself like that. Sure, I have selfies and Outfit of the Day photos but I never had any photos of myself that made me feel sexy or beautiful. So of course, after things between me and ol boy ended, I was like nah, Penny don’t wallow in that pity thinking you aren’t good enough. 

So that night, I took a nice long bubble bath and got all dressed up in my favorite lingerie then started taking pics. After my impromptu lingerie model shoot, I realized that I wanted to share the photos sooo, I did. Lol yerp, I shared lingerie photos in my Instagram story. 

It was one of the most liberating experiences of my entire life. First off, the photos got so much love! And based on the conversations that I had with some of my followers, people were excited and relieved to see me promoting body positivity and self confidence. So that means I am clearly not the only person who has struggled with body image issues. 

Whether you are short & slim, tall and thick, Black, Latina/o, White, young, older, gay, straight or gender fluid, we’ve all at one point felt that our bodies just weren’t good enough. Like how many times have I visited lingerie websites and women were saying they felt insecure because their bodies have changed after having kids? How many of my homeboys have told me they need to get to the gym so they can work out and get rid of their gut? 

Between our own negative self talk and the judgment we’ve received from others most of us are so uncomfortable in our own skin, it’s a shame! Like people will barely post a full body photo of themselves online, some women will only post if their makeup is done, and some men have never even posted a photo of themselves at all. And if they do post photos of themselves, they do so very sparingly. 

To wrap up this ink, in my book, The Loudest Pen Ever, I say: “You can tell a lot about a person from how they portray themselves online.” Saying that to say, what I want from you to take from this blog post is a little self analysis. If you find yourself struggling with your own body image issues: ask yourself: why? Why are you putting yourself down? You may not be able to control what others say about you but you can control what you say about you. 

So stop saying, you’re too skinny or fat, stop feeling like the scars from your C-section are ugly when they’re the mark that proves you brought life into this world, stop criticizing yourself because you don’t weigh what you did in high school or college. And so what if you don’t have a six pack? It’s okay that your hairline is receding, my dude, plenty of women love bald men. And just because you’re a man it doesn’t mean you’re automatically confident. Can you honestly tell me that if Beyonce was single and still had all of her current accomplishments, you would actually feel secure enough to step to her? 

I always include men in my content (that’s why I address my content to Pennies AND Pens) because as quiet as it’s kept, men struggle with body image issues just like women. How many men are terrified of being fully naked in front of their partner? How many men idolize late icons like Kobe Bryant because in looks, body type and lifestyle not to mention accomplishments, Kobe had and did everything they don’t?! 

It’s crazy how we’re all sometimes our biggest critics. So this Valentine’s Day, let’s all silence the inner critic and allow ourselves to be. That’s what I’ll be doing. 

And there it is. de la Pen…All Pen Everything. With us, keeping real never goes wrong. 

PS Did you like this post? Want to read more like it? Shop da ink aka my book, The Loudest Pen Ever. It’s a collection of original stories & poems about my life as a Black woman & entrepreneur.