Now Let Me Ink That Page: I Let My Pen Go

Dear Pennies & Pens,

So today, I’m just going to let my Pen go. Is that alright with you?! Okay so here goes, I struggle everyday just to get out of bed and endure the BS that life will inevitably throw my way. For years I have struggled to keep this blog going, to start a business, to get a job, pay my bills, while maintaining happiness and positivity. If you didn’t know, a couple of weeks ago I launched a crowdfunding campaign called Give LoudPen Ink. It’s not that I thought the campaign would immediately be successful but after 2 weeks, I have raised exactly 0 dollars. PATHETIC.

To make myself feel better, I tell myself that because I launched the campaign at the end of the month and right before the 4th of July, that’s why people haven’t contributed. And maybe those are valid reasons in some ways. But honestly, it’s not. If people really wanted to support you…they would no matter what. So is it that people just don’t find value in what I do? In what my campaign rewards offer?

And here comes the “is everything ok?” question. No, everything is not okay. And it hasn’t been since May 11, 2008. May 11, 2008 is when I graduated from college. I remember sitting at graduation more hungover than I’ve ever been thinking, I had the rest of my life ahead of me. I could live anywhere, work anywhere, do anything. But six years later, and I just got my “dream job” eight months ago. At 28, I’ve been laid off twice, paid my rent late, electric bill late, had bill collectors calling and harassing me, and dated some dudes who were straight up asswholes.

Up until two weeks ago, my car was in the shop and I had to take the bus to work and everywhere else I needed to go. I’m not talking about NYC’s amazing public transportation system. I’m talking about Houston’s public bus system where you wait 20 plus minutes in 90 degree weather to take the bus for 20 min to work and then have to walk 15 min to the job. That’s an hour spent taking a trip that’ll take 15-20 min by car. Like Kendrick said, “Fuck dat.”

I’m sorry, is this post too real for you? Would you like me to keep it less real? Ummm sorry as it says on my about page, keeping it real never goes wrong. That brings me to my next point. People are too damn messy online. And there’s a lot of famous entertainers who have the best management, PR, etc but they are ratchet as hell. I’m seeing people do ghetto messy shit just for RTs, shares, and whatever else. They’re just selling themselves out to the highest bidder and think that because they use the hashtag #dontjudgeme that means we won’t. Passing judgement can be both good and bad. Passing judgement is when you see or hear something that someone else does and you decide if you think it’s positive or negative. People think judging others is reserved for when they are judged negatively. No, judgement and the passing of judgement happens all day everyday.

Back to my ghetto celebrities point, how do you honestly have all that money but have no fucking sense? Go somewhere and put some clothes on and stop snorting all that coke and heroin. We know you’re doing drugs because no one acts that way naturally. It just isn’t well…natural. I know it must be crazy to be well known for doing something of note or just being some random reality show hasbeen who’s only relevant because of their reality show. But here’s the thing, it’s not. At least you can afford a vacation or afford the lawyer who will get you a lighter sentence or some community service. Or maybe you can’t afford those things. I don’t know because I don’t know your bank account balance.

I only know mine and that joint is so low, the bank called me and asked “how are we supposed to maintain your account if there’s nothing to maintain?” I told them, I didn’t know. Sike nah, that didn’t happen but I swear it could have. Oh and here comes the concern cause at this point I have been babbling for ages but not really saying anything. I’ve offended whoever is reading this, I’ve turned off prospective employers and clients for my “cursing” and “unprofessional” behavior. But they wasn’t gonna hire me anyway. I’ve learned people look for more reasons to say no than yes. They’d much rather say no and go with what they always knew than just give someone a chance.

Damn this post is long as hell. It honestly has no purpose. I doubt most people even finished reading it. Idk if I’m going to publish this or not. But if you felt anything I said…Give LoudPen Ink.

And there it is. de la Pen…All Pen Everything. 

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